Modern day pharisees

Modern Day Pharisees
I am going to warn you, this post was not easy. It was not fun. In fact it packed a pretty significant slap in the face. I got called out more times than I can count. I realized a lot about myself and my faith journey while researching and writing this post. If I had to describe this in one word, it would be HUMBLING. 
I was scrolling on Facebook and saw this post. It said, “Stop seeking approval from a world that nailed your Savior to the cross.” Let that sit with you for a minute. It did not take long for it to hit hard with me. My brain instantly went to the Pharisees as being the world responsible for driving the nails into the cross. I cannot even begin to stop and take an accurate accounting of all the times I have sought worldly approval rather than living a life like Jesus. As believers we should be pursuing the Cross not what the Jones’s down the street are doing. I took this post in a bit of a different direction, so stay with me. I have a point and if you just bear with me, we will get there by the end of this post.
I was more like an actor playing the role of a “Christian.” I am sure you have all seen this gal, you know, the gal that buys the cutest Jesus saying sweatshirts, knows the right buzzwords to retort back and smiles with the sweet little “bless you.” This is all a façade. Well, it was for me for anyway. This is the stuff that Fakebook is made of. Let me tell you, I bought and wore the cute Jesus attire and quite honestly, I pretty much lived the opposite of the intended purpose of those cute shirts. I showed up for the mandatory Sunday roll call. Sadly, I was one of those that sat in a church pew to mark it off my to do list. I played this role too long and recently revisited this role. Here’s the sad and the scary thing with this role, I did not even realize I was playing a role. I needed to get something out of sitting in that pew, but I certainly made no effort to change that situation for the better. I was a living example of the definition of insanity. I did the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I expected others to do the changing. I failed to comprehend that I was the one that needed to do the changing. I was cluelessly in denial. 
This pushes non-believers away. Especially when people say they follow Christ but their Monday- Saturday don’t reflect they showed up and retained anything from their Sunday attendance. Don’t be this person. Just don’t. Take it from a person who lived in this cesspool. The Bible is very clear about how God handles those who are lukewarm. Let’s go to what folks have considered the scariest Chapter in the Bible, Revelations (trust me, it’s not.) Revelations 3:15-16 NLT says, “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other1 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!” Friends…there are two exclamation points. That is all that needs to be said.
I am a self-professed Judgey McJudgerson (yes, it is a real word.) It is a constant struggle for me to hold off on the judging and instead choose to forgive. Perhaps this is what prompted me to choose the legal field as my profession. I feel like my sense of right and wrong reached a Pharisee level and I was too blind and prideful to see it coming. I tend to find myself stuck with the how and the why of the wrong instead of walking the path of forgiveness. I had a huge mess of unforgiveness just living within me rent-free. My walk with unforgiveness has been one of the most difficult adventures. I am retraining my brain to make forgiveness a priority. Yes, I know full and well what the Bible says about forgiveness. In fact, Matthew 5:44 is highlighted in my ‘Candance Cameron Bure NLT Bible’ within the Help Index. Lord knows I need all the help in this area that I can get. This verse states to, “Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” As one of my favorite gal pals’s DJ Tanner would say, “Oh Mylanta.” God, you really are wanting me to love my enemies? And then I should pray for those who seek to basically destroy me? This is a constant struggle for me. CONSTANT. When we read further down in the Help Index the words owned me and my actions. They more than confirmed my fears. I was basically living as a modern-day Pharisee. Buckle up because the following sentences rocked my world. “Forgiveness means praying for those who hate and hurt you. This releases you from the destructive emotions of anger, bitterness, and revenge. 
Here is where I wish I did not have to get really real with you. I did not realize the internal battle that I had going with pride. I was oblivious to it. I was oblivious to the power and control that pride had over my life. While working on this blog post, I have had several doses of humble pie and it does not taste good at all. Why does it not taste good you might ask? Well, in doing this research, I realized that I have a tendency to sway more towards the Pharisees than Jesus. That does not feel good. In all honesty, the self-destructive emotions of anger and bitterness made me a prideful and sometimes vengeful person. My heart was in shambles and the broken pieces had hardened.
Stay with me this all going to tie together, but before we head to far down the rabbit hole of self-destructive emotions, let’s quickly chat about the Pharisees and how I realized I was struggling with an unknown battle of being a modern day pharisee.
The Pharisees were a Jewish sect that came on the scene around 150 BCE. They were folks more concerned with the letter of the law being followed than miracles being experienced. They obviously let their teachings, traditions and law dictate their faith. This was more of an act of religion, certainly not about an encounter with God. Tradition was more prevalent and of the utmost importance to the Pharisee. A Pharisee was coined as being hypocritical and self-righteous. Friends, this was me. When I really step back and reflect, this was me. I was not leaving the judgin’ to Jesus. For some reason, I thought my help was needed. 
We are seeking solace and confirmation from a world that nailed our Savior to a cross. Again, let that sit with you. Sometimes I get caught in the why or the how and cannot move into the path of forgiveness. I feel like I have this overwhelming need to understand whatever the wrong was to be able to appropriately move forward. That is not faith but more of a legalistic approach to religion. 
The judges of the law put Jesus to death. They hated Jesus because He did not conform to their old-world beliefs. They missed the miracle and spent their time caught up in the law and its corresponding traditions rather than the miracle of the Savior who was right in front of them. The Pharisees were so wrapped up in the law that they were responsible for nailing their Savior to the cross. They did not approve of Jesus because He chose ministry over adhering to a set of cultural traditions and religious standards.
How does one become a modern-day Pharisee? I do not think it is an intentional act. It surely was not for me. I think even the Pharisees in Jesus’ time had good intentions. Their good intentions though, were entrapped by traditions and the law over the presence of a Savior. They let traditions and the law guide their path. More so than not, I have found myself getting caught up in the legalism of a situation rather than allowing forgiveness to flow. I had a pride issue before I knew I had a pride issue. My pride kept me from allowing my heart to truly forgive others. Instead anger and bitterness moved in rent free and allowed my heart to harden and forgiveness was nothing more than a lofty idea.
Here's a prime example, I do not like being wrong. I do not like to lose. My family went on a trip to Dauphin Island, Alabama over New Year’s. We always play the card game pitch. I love to play this game because I am good at it. I like to be partners with my dad, mom and Aunt Glenda as they play in the same manner I do. Keith and I do not do well together. He is a risk taker. I am not. He likes to play bottoms up. He likes to “see what is out there by playing a 2 on the second round.” For me, it is all about the rules of the game. In my opinion, you should play the cards as you have them. Playing bottoms up or seeing what is out there, literally causes me to rage inside. I mean there are rules for a reason here people. During this same trip, my sister and brother-in-law and the kids were playing Uno and wanted us to play. For several nights, I would not play because I do not like to lose and do not remember the last time, I played Uno. My sister finally wore me down. A couple games in and I was ready to flip the table and not like Jesus with the buying and selling in the Temple court but more like a Pharisee because I did not get my way. Childish, I know. It was during this family trip where I had a bit of a revelation that I was leaning more towards a Pharisee who is so set that their way is the only way rather than being the hands and feet of Jesus by simply being in the moment with family.
A modern-day Pharisee will focus more on the persecution of the wrong rather than repentance and forgiveness. I am not a fan of following on with tradition for the sake of it has always been that way. In fact, that is something that drives me insane. However, I do just that when I focus on the issue and the pain caused from said issue rather than moving forward in love and forgiveness. A modern-day Pharisee certainly is bound by traditions, law or being right. It is a condition of the heart that needs to be addressed. For me, it was a combination of a pride issue, and renters known as bitterness and anger that needed to be served an eviction notice.
Here are a couple of items that put me on notice of heading down the path of a modern-day Pharisee. Buckle up. These are going to hit home with some of you just as they did with me.
Simply showing up for church to mark it off the to do list is a religious act. A willing heart, ready to meet Jesus everyday should be a need in your life. The Pharisees checked the boxes. Tara checked the boxes. How many of you have or are currently just checking the boxes? When choosing the path of the Pharisee it is doing damage to the Church and going against the belief that we are the hands and feet of Jesus. A Pharisee will get lost in traditions and law of religion rather than being guided by the heart to grow and nurture a relationship with Jesus.
I would find myself reading and/or listening to the Bible to avoid an internal feeling of guilt rather than to be reading and retaining to allow God to work in my heart. Again, I was simply marking it off the to do list. 
I was more interested in keeping a tally of all the things I did right rather than repenting of my wrongs. My go to phrase has been, “well at least I don’t... or at least it is not as bad as” I have preached to my kids about appropriate language and choices, yet I have said words that I am not proud of. I have said those words under my breath and to others. Yet, I would criticize others for the same thing.
I would convince myself that having a drink was because I liked the taste not because I wanted to escape the emotions of anger and bitterness. However, I have been quick to call out others for enjoying a beer at bbq. I was the definition of what it meant to be hypocritical. I was not the hands and feet of Jesus. I was more Pharisee than anything and I was in denial that I was in the wrong.
In developing a hard heart, I have lost the ability to exercise true and genuine sympathy for those in need. I would find myself losing the ability to share compassion. This started when Kinsley went on her mission trip to LA. My daughter, Kinsley has one of the most compassionate hearts I have ever met. She was excited to share experiences ministering to the homeless on Skid Row. I did not feel empathetic towards the situation, or the people affected. I remember saying something along the lines of they are there by their own free will and choosing. Not my finest moment. I could not see that I was losing myself and the ability to show compassion and having a heart for serving others. In fact, I have steered her away from her from serving others because of my feelings towards the situation. This is not me. I was once a person who teared up and would get goose bumps when Jesus was moving in people’s lives. My hardened heart was on display.
If many of us stopped and really compared our walks to Jesus and to that of the Pharisee, which path would be most like yours? I strive to be more Christ-like but unfortunately, I find myself following the path of the Pharisee. I am on a mission to change that trajectory. You see, I did not intentionally choose to head down the path of being considered a modern-day Pharisee. I had opportunities to change course and before I knew it, I was being owned by a hardened heart that was immune to forgiveness. I was riddled with anger and bitterness. This blog served me a huge dose of humble pie. 
At first my pride kept me from writing this blog. I was convinced this was for others and once I started researching and writing, I felt convicted and would stop writing because it did not feel good, and I had to be wrong. Pride is a dangerous thing. The path of choosing legalism and being hypocritical are equally dangerous. I needed to write this blog. I needed a wake-up call. I honestly did not want to believe the wake-up call was for me. But here’s the deal, I want to be a living testimony, and I want that more than being right. I want to live my life as the hands and feet of Jesus and all the above reasons kept me from experiencing additional growth in my relationship with Jesus. 
I know that my path has been far from a straight line. In fact, my journey has been more like a corn maze. I have stumbled and fell, well more like face planted, countless times. Here is the good news, God keeps pursuing me just like He keeps pursuing you. God’s grace is such a sweet gift. Stay tuned for the next blog as I share those experiences with you. Perhaps, you can join me as we move from modern-day Pharisee to true discipleship.